RUMBLE IN THE JUNGLE

These last two days have been full of action, ever since I poured out my pitcher of water and went thirsty at the brewery to make the point that cotton cultivation is a danger to Homo sapiens.

I did get a call from a female of the species who was not happy with one of my statements, and after hearing her out, I decided she did have a fair point and ammended the previous post. Lucy Siegle of the Observer was the caller, and we ended up having quite an amicable conversation after she made her initial request. It turns out she is quite on board with a number of my points, and has herself taken Katherine Hamnett and the greenwash brigade to task. She wanted to make it clear that she was not some happy clappy hippy going along with all the eco fig leaves, and I was glad to hear that. I await the publication of her next book, and of course, I expect there will be lots about hemp in it - after all Siegle hangs out with natural born hempster Woody Harrelson.

There was an irony in my being willing to listen to anyone from the Observer, as this is the paper that printed allegations about a friend of mine, Dr. Nick Kollerstrom. Their very own Nick Cohen reported that Kollerstrom was preaching Nazi doctrine and harrassing people. Whilst some of Dr. Kollerstrom's views might not be welcome in Orthodox circles, he is no Nazi, in fact, he is the quintessential peacenik, eats Challah bread in his home, and has Jewish friends - one of whom started a blog (click here to see) to defend Kollerstrom, even if the author does not agree with all of his conclusions. Whilst the Jewish Chronicle did go to the trouble to call Kollerstrom and talk to him and find out that a lot of the noise on the net was false, the Observer made no such effort. Instead, it took the word of some bloggers who do not even use their real names! What a load of nonsense. Further, it refused him right of reply. One might think that the Observer has the budget to check their stories and make a local phone call once in a while.

They do when they feel themselves misrepresented, and fair enough if there is some question about any statements I make, I am not using an assumed name like the Rachel 'Norths' and Johnny 'Voids'. I am easy to contact, just ask MI5...for which I am not working, but would like to work if they pay lots of money and let me spend all my time with beautiful women sipping martinis and saving the world every episode from over the top nutters most of whom are trust fund babies on crack.

Speaking of beautiful women, which I am in very much in search of, one poster on Sunday took such issue with my speech at the Black Eagle that she insinuated I was a misogynist; big mistake, I like women! There is a certain crowd that will label you a Nazi, a misogynist, or anything else that comes to mind when they do not have a real argument against you, or need to submit some rubbish to an editor to make deadline...it's called 'churnalism', as Nick Davies points out in Flat Earth News.

The poster, Janet from another planet, decided to tell us she worked for a hemp company that got lots of good liberal press, but then left a link to a cotton company. She also did not give a surname and could not be contacted. Funny, I've never heard of a Janet in the hemp industry. I would like to know more about this person, but I doubt we end up saving the world together at the end of a two hour adventure in which I get to wear black tie even while jumping out of aeroplanes.

So I am off to do other things now, like writing to MI5 to suggest that Bond wear hemp, and tell them the bad guys this time are some eco warriors who are in reality trustiferians gone bad. Their plan is to destroy the world by growing palm oil, soya, jatropha and cotton because they are not getting enough attention from Mummy and Daddy who are telling them to take a bath and get a real job. Bond will get no quantum of solace from this lot I assure you.