THE NEW GREEN

The Economist states that 'weed' is the 'new green'. As hemp gains momentum in the US with Dave Monson's lawsuit (see previous post), journalists are taking a look. The only people not taking a look are the politicians who are trying to keep hemp illegal, and some of the so-called green activists who still think hemp is dope, or are swayed by too many George Monbiot opinions to think realistically. Business-wise hemp is certainly on the rise, the article quotes John Roulac of Nutiva as saying that sales went from less than $1m to $4.5 in 3 years. Other companies in his state, such as Minawear and GeoMio, are also seeing an increase in sales (both of these companies merged in January this year).

The fight to be seen as green has extended itself into fashion and the media, where stars do some silly things just to be seen with something green - Cheryl Crow weighed in by saying we ought to only use one square of toilet paper. My advice is don't shake her hand, it may not be very green. Other not very green personalities are those running around with cotton bags trying to look cool in a bag that cost some third world town their water supply, but the media does not seem to care about such trivial facts as these in their pursuit of celebrities to worship.

The way things are going we might even expect to have a book on the environment written by Paris Hilton, and as she has lots of spare time on her hands (and free room and board in a 5 star hotel courtesy of the taxpayer) this might just be the case. If she hasn't, Cameron Diaz has, so look for her book, titled Green, to hit the stands next week. How many trees were chopped down to print it though, and did she bother to use any hemp paper? If it's any good I'd like to know, but if not, maybe chop it up and sent it to Cheryl Crow to use in her loo. That's called recycling.

As to bags, I have just seen the Minawear design, and they are way too cool to waste on Mss. Crow or Hilton. Ms. Diaz, after sporting a Shining Path mantra on her bag last week in Peru, which some journalists said was like wearing a swastika at the Wailing Wall, may not be a candidate for one either. Since California is banning the plastic bag in 2008, there is a bag war in progress in which lots of fly-by-night eco-companies try to get us to use cotton bags or, in the case of the Onya people, polyester bags. The real environmentalists will carry hemp, and better if it is left undyed, why use more chemicals? Elegant simplicity is about to arrive in Hollywood from designer Mina Hegaard. This will be the sensation of the summer. The new green is a natural hemp bag.

ANYA VS. ONYA

IN THE

GREAT

GAME OF ECO CON

First we had Anya Hindmarch and her uncool pesticide loving cotton bag slagged off in the press after we made some calls to the fourth estate, which resulted in getting lots of press outing the silly fashionistas. However, it seems after the Anya bag people, the Onya bag people have decided to make the press look like fools with a plastic bag. Note the sign in the picture, taken by the notorious Chris Sanders of London; it's made of, yep, you guessed it, plastic. So again the Guardian and The Independent are made to look like fools, as both are listed on the Onya website as papers that promoted their environmentally destructive bag, which they claim has been sold to 380,000. One born every minute, so I am sure they have sold a few more by now.

But just how can they get away with this? It seems as if the journalists involved are complete idiots. For instance, they claim it is made of 'parachute silk'. No one bothers to check what that is, so they go off like crazed George Monbiot fans on their eco crusade not even realising they are zealously promoting plastic. Or, maybe they just work for second rate publications and they do not care.

Sanders, meanwhile, is in hiding at his schmoo safe house, but you can see what he had to say at his secret schmoo site. It turns out that after taking millions of quid off of people in these kinds of scams, some of the perpetrators and the idiots in the press do not like either of us very much. Hemp is never on their agenda, in fact, they are following in the footsteps of the Hearst Media people who tried to vilify hemp to promote plastic.

That is, if they are not on a top level assignment outside the Twin Towers in pursuit of a very important scoop on Paris Hilton. If I disagree with the schmoomaster on anything, it's his posts on Ms. Hilton, who is a public menace. He seems to miss the fact that her family had given money to the stupid sheriff who let her out, overriding the judge's orders. What about all those guys in orange jump suits (made either of plastic or cotton) in Guantanamo Bay?

Hilton is lucky not to have been sentenced in Singapore, as she would not even be wearing an orange jump suit, but her birthday suit, and she would be caned. Now that's sounds like justice. Send her to Singapore, or Guantanamo Bay, where innocent people spend years without any charges. You don't see her crying for them, do you? For cellmates Paris could have Anya Hindmarch and the Onya bag people. Then again there's Abu Ghraib, where the Bushite Republican Guards have raped men, women and children, but where was her cry over that? Like most Americans, she was rather silent. But now she is making noise and having crying fits and her fans are contributing to global warming with an airplane pulling a banner.

A few years back I myself had a free stay in the Twin Towers, when the famous LAPD were terrorising a bunch of hip hop dancers on Venice Beach. Machine guns and helicopters over head, we thought it was al-Qaeda trying to run everyone off the beach. When I called 911 to make a report on police brutality, they came for me. Since I pleaded not guilty to the made up charge of failure to move (I couldn't move, there were cops and kids all over so I had to keep cool and stay put), they took me off to the Twin Towers, where everyone was asking me if I was the guy the cops jumped on the news in Venice...Yea, that was me. It's not a pleasant place, and the guards are a bit sick. Since I did not have Paris Hilton's money, I got shuffled around for a day, they do that, change your cell every hour just as you've gone to sleep, then if they don't like you, lose you in the system and don't allow you to post bail. And since I questioned why the cops did not let the kids do their dance, for which they had a proper permit, I was not as popular as Paris Hilton.

But with all these fans, where is anyone offering to serve out her sentence? Come on now, free room and board at the famous Twin Towers Hilton in beautiful downtown LA and an orange jump suit, which matches the Anya and Onya bags.

TEXAS CHAINSTORE MASSACRES AND

OTHER NEWS FROM THE USA

Image left is of Doug Yurchey, who has just written a sequel to his epic piece on the reasons behind the suppression of hemp and its cousin, marijuana. He got an avalanche of emails from people who use hemp, and medicinal hemp in particular, to attest to the reality that Cannabis sativa is a plant of great value. The FDA and the DEA have even greater access to this information, but guess what...

Much talk on hemp will be taking place this weekend in California, where two great weekend festivals are taking place. One is the Health and Harmony Festival in Santa Rosa, 8/9/10th June. Music by Erykah Badu, Brain Wilson, Rickie Lee Jones et al. Lots of speakers, and vendors to include Minawear and GeoMio. Both companies will also be at the Fairfax Festival in Marin County, 94930. 20 bands will be playing in the redwoods.

Here in the UK the Texas based US giant Wholefoods, known to many as Wholepaycheque as some of their food is soooo expensive, has moved into a giant complex in oh soooo posh Kensington. The Guardian noted of yesterday's opening that the pesticide loving cotton Anya Hindmarch bag was ubiquitous at the event. Kind of like a swastika at a Bar Mitzvah, one wonders if the Guardian reporter can really have that short a memory stick in their brain...only last month the bag was ridiculed by all and sundry, with a front page bash in the Evening Standard. OK, so people with lots of money who went out and bought this on Ebay are now showing off their dosh in Kensington AND trying to be eco-cool. I will relish crashing this party with the hemp bag which says quite brazenly "Real Eco Bags are made of Hemp". Hemp, what's hemp? will probably be the words on many posh, eco-wannabe lips. I can be so uncool! Wait for images of me, Mr. Mean with the inconvenient facts, on this site. Or, if anyone out there wants to join me, give me a bell at cannabissatival@hotmail.com

News from the US would not be complete without at least some mention of that very, very, very, very important person, Paris Hilton. She has apparently checked into a hotel which does not live up to the standards of the Paris Hilton, or any other Hilton for that matter, and has done what any other rich kid would do; she checked out. Officials at the facility have stated that "she had an ache in the tummy and we sent her home to mummy". Or something like that, I did not quite catch the exact wording. However, I lost interest when I learnt that the substandard hotel she checked out of did not even have the class to give her a hemp wardrobe. Most likely they just threw her an orange jump suit made of pesticide loving cotton, probably made at the same sweatshop as the Anya Hindmarch bags. I would of course love to meet Paris Hilton, if only to juxtapose myself next to her with a real eco bag, made of hemp. Not to be mean, but it would be kind of nice if she went back to her hotel without incident and we did not hear another word about her for 23 days...or more.