CONTRABAGGED

The CIA is offering a reward for the arrest and capture of the man in the photo, seen taking the mick out of celebs and fake environmentalists. Abandoning their search for Osama bin Laden, who they have forgotten, they have now issued a fatwa against this new enemy, believed to be in cahoots with The Hemp Shop, schmoo on the run and The Ecologist. Schmoo is a subversive blogger last seen in the vicinity of the MI5 HQ in London, and The Ecologist is believed to have moved their HQ from Chelsea to a secret location on Commercial Street in E1.

Other sightings include: the library at UCSB, Venice Beach, the British Library, the NYPL, assorted hemp fields in the EU, and lately at the Legal Cafe in North London, where he may be committing illegal subversion. The background in the photo is now known to CIA analysts to be the Anya Hindmarch shop on Pont Street in London, which was peddling the environmentally destructive bag seen in the window, made of cotton in a secret location in China where the workers don't make enough to buy the bag they are sweating to make. Subject has also been spotted on Bond Street, allegedly to take the mick out of posh shoppers who are also supporting the cotton and pesticide industries.

Reputable sources have recently handed in confidential reports of sightings at the Minawear and GeoMio offices, where he may be planning the dissemination of information regarding the petrol and pesticide industries.

WARNING: Heavily armed with facts and dangerous in a debate. Opinion mongers George Monbiot and Johann Hari are known to be victims of his attacks, both now in hiding from his invititations to open debate. If spotted, immediately call the CIA office nearest you, or any newspaper which they have infiltrated, and give a full description of his movements. Do the same if any other person is seen with this bag in hand, which is believed to be a weapon of mass information aimed at large petrochemical businesses and second rate journalists.