ANYA VS. ONYA

IN THE

GREAT

GAME OF ECO CON

First we had Anya Hindmarch and her uncool pesticide loving cotton bag slagged off in the press after we made some calls to the fourth estate, which resulted in getting lots of press outing the silly fashionistas. However, it seems after the Anya bag people, the Onya bag people have decided to make the press look like fools with a plastic bag. Note the sign in the picture, taken by the notorious Chris Sanders of London; it's made of, yep, you guessed it, plastic. So again the Guardian and The Independent are made to look like fools, as both are listed on the Onya website as papers that promoted their environmentally destructive bag, which they claim has been sold to 380,000. One born every minute, so I am sure they have sold a few more by now.

But just how can they get away with this? It seems as if the journalists involved are complete idiots. For instance, they claim it is made of 'parachute silk'. No one bothers to check what that is, so they go off like crazed George Monbiot fans on their eco crusade not even realising they are zealously promoting plastic. Or, maybe they just work for second rate publications and they do not care.

Sanders, meanwhile, is in hiding at his schmoo safe house, but you can see what he had to say at his secret schmoo site. It turns out that after taking millions of quid off of people in these kinds of scams, some of the perpetrators and the idiots in the press do not like either of us very much. Hemp is never on their agenda, in fact, they are following in the footsteps of the Hearst Media people who tried to vilify hemp to promote plastic.

That is, if they are not on a top level assignment outside the Twin Towers in pursuit of a very important scoop on Paris Hilton. If I disagree with the schmoomaster on anything, it's his posts on Ms. Hilton, who is a public menace. He seems to miss the fact that her family had given money to the stupid sheriff who let her out, overriding the judge's orders. What about all those guys in orange jump suits (made either of plastic or cotton) in Guantanamo Bay?

Hilton is lucky not to have been sentenced in Singapore, as she would not even be wearing an orange jump suit, but her birthday suit, and she would be caned. Now that's sounds like justice. Send her to Singapore, or Guantanamo Bay, where innocent people spend years without any charges. You don't see her crying for them, do you? For cellmates Paris could have Anya Hindmarch and the Onya bag people. Then again there's Abu Ghraib, where the Bushite Republican Guards have raped men, women and children, but where was her cry over that? Like most Americans, she was rather silent. But now she is making noise and having crying fits and her fans are contributing to global warming with an airplane pulling a banner.

A few years back I myself had a free stay in the Twin Towers, when the famous LAPD were terrorising a bunch of hip hop dancers on Venice Beach. Machine guns and helicopters over head, we thought it was al-Qaeda trying to run everyone off the beach. When I called 911 to make a report on police brutality, they came for me. Since I pleaded not guilty to the made up charge of failure to move (I couldn't move, there were cops and kids all over so I had to keep cool and stay put), they took me off to the Twin Towers, where everyone was asking me if I was the guy the cops jumped on the news in Venice...Yea, that was me. It's not a pleasant place, and the guards are a bit sick. Since I did not have Paris Hilton's money, I got shuffled around for a day, they do that, change your cell every hour just as you've gone to sleep, then if they don't like you, lose you in the system and don't allow you to post bail. And since I questioned why the cops did not let the kids do their dance, for which they had a proper permit, I was not as popular as Paris Hilton.

But with all these fans, where is anyone offering to serve out her sentence? Come on now, free room and board at the famous Twin Towers Hilton in beautiful downtown LA and an orange jump suit, which matches the Anya and Onya bags.