Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Today I made my way to the Holier-Than-Thou-Foods on 14th Street with a shopping list that would make any holistic food guru proud. I was to get organic raw antioxidant goji berries, Earth Day Mint Tea, and Burt's Beeswax & Royal Jelly Eye Cream, plus about 6 kinds of tea the names of which are guaranteed to twist and tantalise the tongue in tangles.
Life used to be much simpler; the other day I asked a friend what tea he wanted and he replied "liquid tea." I went straight to his cupboard and got him the first bag of leaves I could lay hands on. Which might not have been legal, for as soon as it became liquid and he became deliriously happy.
And searching for the more esoteric teas I was fast becoming delirious but not happy. I was mystified and came back empty handed on most of my searches, even with ten shop assistants searching for the energising super duper anti-capitalist vegan express power bars. And I never could quantify what was a power bar. There were pro bars, pro what I had to ask, if that was not a lack of faith in the hippie empire, and then builder bars, again, building what? I might have wondered aloud to the discomfort of two genuine raw bar fanatics, and I might have given up on this project entirely and admitted to a lack of hipness had I not spotted a power bar section in the basement where a bar had berries and hemp. A genuine power bar I decided right then and there. Which just about made me deliriously happy, so I grabbed three in my state of delirious happy hipness.
Holier-Than-Thou-Foods has not always met my expectations when it comes to hemp, which happens to be organic and raw and full of omega acids and meets just about every other foodie criteria - it is Halal, it is Kosher; it is veggie, it is vegan, and it is hard to do wrong unless you are Holier-Than-Thou-Foods and you buy tons of Good Oil which is a company that barred me from their press conference/love-in when I asked about what defoliants if was using on the hemp seed. Oops! I was not deliriously happy with the way in which the SUV driving owner was running this, and I was cast from the temple. So ever since I have had to wear a disguise when shopping at outlets that carry this or any known-to-be-adulterated hemp products.
And it's a good disguise, but even it could not conceal my perplexity at not finding the specialist teas I was sent to procure. Shop assistants, as noted, saw through my attempt at being non-chalant and came to my aid but could not fulfil the want list. So I wandered. And I wondered what the world was coming to when one could not even find a stash of organic raw cacao powder with maca in a 4 oz. environmentally friendly package. There was, to be sure, cacao powder, and on another shelf, maca, but perhaps some shoppers with an urge to end up deliriously happy on liquid refreshments which used to turn ordinary Incas into raiders and pillagers had already raided and pillaged these items. Who knows. My perplexity increased but then abated when I spotted someone promoting Sanre Soothing Celebration Oil, which, to my delight, contained hemp oil. I immediately rubbed it on my skin, and started to feel happy and less delirious. And so in a saner state I wandered over to the bins of seeds and found what I had been hoping to find for years, hulled hemp seeds by the pound. I got bags for myself and friends and procured a stash for all of us.
And then I turned the tables on Holier-Than-Thou-Foods when I asked one of the diligent shop assistants where the milk was. One pointed me to the raw organic cold pressed cashew vanilla milk, another to the unpasteurised Tibetan yak's milk, and a third asked me what milk was.
I explained, "it's the stuff you put in tea," and left with my bags of hemp under my arm.


Carlos said...


Kenyon said...

but no THC.